Ang Mga Talulot Sa Rosas Compound (Part 188)
Sinulat ni JOSE LUIS CASANOVA
(Ika-188 labas)
ANG ama ng kanyang misis ang humila sa kanya papasok sa bahay ng mga ito. Sumunod naman ang kanyang misis na patuloy na umiiyak. Nang nasa loob na sila ng bahay ay saka muling nangusap ang kanyang biyenang lalaki.
“Hayan, puwede n’yo nang pag-usapan ang inyong problema kahit magsigawan kayo. Walang mga makakati ang dila na kapitbahay na makakarinig kahit magsigawan kayo,” anito at pareho silang inalog sa balikat bago sila nito iniwan para makapagsarilinan.
“Salamat po, Itay,” aniya sa biyenan na isa nang biyudo. Maagang naulila sa ina ang kanyang misis.
Pabagsak na naupo sa sofa ang kanyang misis na mugto na ang mga mata. Umiiyak pa rin ito bagaman at wala na halos iluha dahil sa sama ng loob sa kanya.
“Ang mga bata?” tanong niya rito.
“Wala kang karapatang makita sila!” sigaw nito sa kanya. “Wala silang amang taksil!”
Hindi siya nakakibo.
Iginala ni Arturo ang mga mata sa kabuuan ng bahay ng biyenan. Wala siyang makita o marinig man lang na boses ng kanyang mga anak. Marahil ay sinabihan ng kanyang misis na huwag lalabas. O kaya ay nasa kuwarto ng kanyang biyenan at pinipilit na huwag makita ng mga ito ang kanilang pagtatalong mag-asawa.
“Narito ako para mag-sorry,” aniya sa mahinang tinig. “Umaamin ako sa aking pagkakamali. Patawarin mo na ako at sana ay makapagsimula tayong muli.”
Iyak lang ang itinugon ng kanyang asawa. At kapagkuwa’y nagtatakbo ito papasok sa isang kuwarto. Ibinagsak nito nang malakas ang pinto—na para bang sa mukha niya inihampas.
Napayuko si Arturo, nakaramdam ng pagkatalo. Saka naman lumabas ang kanyang biyenang lalaki.
“Balikan mo na lang siya,” anito sa mapang-unawang tinig. “Ganyan talaga, masyado siyang nasaktan. Pero kilala ko ang aking anak. Bukas-makalawa ay mapapatawad ka na niya.”
“Salamat po, Itay,” nasambit na lang niya.
Nagpaalam na siya sa biyenan. Hindi na rin siya nagpilit makita ang kanyang mga anak. Tama ito, palamigin muna niya ang sitwasyon at huwag pilitin na mapatawad agad siya ng asawa. Mabigat ang kanyang kasalanan, at tanging ang panahon ang makapagpapahilom niyon.
Hindi ordinaryong bagay ang magtaksil sa asawa. Batay na rin ito sa isang artikulo sa magazine na tungkol sa relationship na nabasa niya na nagsasaad ng ganito:
“You've been betrayed. The person that's supposed to be your best friend, the one you trusted most, has lied to you, cheated on you and shattered your life as you know it—leaving you angry, shocked, afraid and with no self-confidence whatsoever. It's a horrible feeling. The foundation of your marriage—fidelity and trust—is now broken. This is probably the biggest crisis that a relationship can go through.
But you have decided you want to save your relationship and move on with your life. You only have one problem: You do not think you are able to forgive your spouse.
How to forgive a spouse for cheating?
The pain is too deep. You can't trust him anymore and you don't know if he will do it again. You know you won't be able to go through something like this ever again. But if you don't forgive—it will be very hard to rebuild your relationship.
Do you feel you just want things to go back the way they were?
Most of us do. We just want our relationship to go back to the way it was before the betrayal. But why would you? The way it was is exactly what has led you to the kind of pain you are going through right now!
Going back to the way it used to be won't solve your problems.
There is a different path to take—you can try to make your relationship BETTER than it was before. But that means you have to forgive.
How to forgive a spouse for cheating?
You probably realize by now that you can't just "decide" to forgive. It doesn't work. Forgiveness takes time and work if you want it to be real and deep. The work starts with step No. 1—Acceptance.
The work you have to do start with acceptance. Acceptance is the road you take on your way to forgiving. Without this critical first step it is very hard to achieve real and sustaining forgiveness. It will allow you to cope with your anger, anxiety and help you rebuild the trust again.
What does “acceptance” mean?
It means to accept the terrible events that happened to your relationship. It's not something to take for granted —a betrayed person can spend most of his time shocked. You feel amazed that this thing happened to you and how did it happen behind your back when you were certain that everything is okay.
You have to get past the initial denial. You can't undo this reality. You can't go back to what used to be—and if you are honest with yourself —you know that things weren't so great.
Accepting means realizing that forgiveness will not happen in a day, or a week, or even a month. Take that pressure off yourself. These awful feelings will not disappear in a day. Accept that and don't try to ignore it or "just get over it". It will only make things worse.
What to do after acceptance?
When you really accept your situation you are saying to yourself: "I don't like what happened. I don't like the feeling the way I do but I am willing to tolerate it so I can move on and work on a better relationship than ever.”
Napahinga nang malalim si Arturo. Sa magazine na binibili ng kanyang misis niya nabasa ang nasabing artikulo at noong time na iyon ay nasa stage na siya ng panloloko rito. Nakaramdam ba ito kaya tungkol sa cheating sa relasyon ang mga artikulong binabasa?
Anu’t anuman, at least ay may idea na ang kanyang misis na pinipilit niyang mabuo muli ang kanilang tahanan sa kabila ng mga sakit na pinagdaraanan nito. Umaasa siyang sooner ay tahakin na nito ang road to forgiveness at muli siyang matanggap.
At ipinapangako niya sa sarili, never again siyang magtataksil. Natuto na siya sa unang kasalanan.
Malungkot na nagpaalam siya sa kanyang biyenan.
SUBAYBAYAN!
